dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
