Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
