drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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