Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My breasts were aching with rage.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
