glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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