If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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