Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
