if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
