I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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