just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sobbing to NWA
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
