My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
