he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
