Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
