I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
if i can run in heels then i can drive
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
