Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
love makes seman taste better
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize