I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
