can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
