I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
