Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We are two peas in an std pod
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
