I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Who died my cat blue again?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
