Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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