my vag is so smooth its legendary
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sober January is a disaster.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize