I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize