found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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