The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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