i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
