She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
