are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
