Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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