why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
