when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
