can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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