Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
