I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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