He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
