bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
