i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
