I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
