if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
