She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm too high and old for this...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
