.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
