is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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