Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
