My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
