you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
PANTIES FOUND
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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