So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize