i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
