I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
