it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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