I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
