just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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