Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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