her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Randomize
