Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
