i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Let's paint friendship bongs
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I need to calm my uterus...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
last night I used snow as a chaser
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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