If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
