There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
