Swine flu. Run for my life!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
