Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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