dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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