You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
