hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
