She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
