I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
this hospital has no fireball
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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