Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
