but the lizard people decide everything anyway
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize