My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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