Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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