you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
