I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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