you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
