Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
