would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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