We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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