I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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