Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
