Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
God I need to hump something, right now.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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