Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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