i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
