mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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