He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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