Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
my liver is dry heaving
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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