i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
