Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
