Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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