everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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