that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
