I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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