Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
