I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
