The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
i think we sleep fucked last night...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
