Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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