HIV tests are more positive than that guy
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize