you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
