Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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