This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
