I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize