sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
