so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
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