that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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