So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
