its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
