Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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