You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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