i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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