had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
