I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
