mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
